No more doom-n-gloom, dernit!

Okay, I'm quite done with Sister Depresso. Such a poisonous, insidious vibe, this depression is. Though it helped me really examine my drive (or lack thereof), my motivations, and what's best for me, my fam, and my life.

It's a complicated thing, being an artist. You're constantly torn between the desire to follow your muse, make money, give the client what he wants, be a critical success with your peers...man, it's nearly impossible to juggle all those things with any fair balance! I listen to all the art-related podcasts I can get my hands on, in a vain attempt to make sense of it all. But it doesn't help. Everyone has their own idea of what works, what doesn't. Each artist's goal is different. I've come to the conclusion I really have to shove all that crap aside and fabricate my own path to happiness. And it begins with establishing a hierarchy of importance for myself.

I turned 46 this year...egads. Solidly into middle-age. (And I don't act a day over 16!) If I don't shoot for my dreams NOW, they're never going to happen. I always thought I wanted to join the ranks of Todd Lockwood, Donato Giancola, Dan Dos Santos...those incredibly talented scifi/fantasy cover artists who make us all look like hacks. But no matter how fast I run, I feel like a hamster on a wheel, getting no where. The schools are spitting out kids with incredible digital acumen and skills, photography is still threatening the power of hand-drawn illustration, I can't afford to attend the conventions and workshops where I might network with art directors and the aforementioned artists, we're hella broke (which eliminates SO many opportunities), and between my life demands as a mother and the creative demands of a working artist, it's all getting partial attention and therefore, meager success. Something's gotta give.

So this year, I'm dedicating the remainder of 2010 to reassessing my goals, reassigning weight, and attaining a better work/life balance. I'm really such a social creature, the solitary life of a freelance illustrator is making me a tad nutty. But just a tad, mind you. And internet relationships just don't cut it, even though I have to acknowledge they're an incredible resource to add to your repertoire. So with this in mind, here's ya olde Bucket List:

~Maintain pocket change via my few favorite clients.
~PAINT, dammit! Make stuff to flash at local galleries!
~Write every day, whether I want to or not. I've got a story to tell...
~Respect the (new) non-art-related dayjob. It puts food on the table, provides health insurance, and gives my muse a break. Clearly, she's running on fumes.
~Focus, focus, focus. Weed out those things that don't support the Bucket List, but allow for time to get exercise and recharge the battery.
~Travel. See new things, even if it's just down the road an hour. Get out of the effin' house.

Sounds easy, huh? *COUGH COUGH* But now it's in print. It's real. And I hope you guys will help me keep on task. Love y'all. *le smooooch*


PS...OH! Before I sign off, I've included a little art teaser of one of the covers I'm supplying to one of my "few favorite clients", Loose Id Publishers (www.loose-id.com). I really dig the way the face turned out. Have a great weekend, gang.

Monday Morning Mash-up

Take high-fashion, add in a liberal dose of Luke Kopycinski , try to work with texture (which is tough for me, as I hate to 'flaw' creamy complexions), and this is what flops out. (I wanted to get the whiny rant off the top post too. Boooooring!)

PS7, but mostly Painter 9, two sporatic hours, ref used.

Later, taters...

Compare and despair...BIG TIME

I am SO frustrated right now. And tired because it's 2 a.m., but I've gotta rant. About myself, so turn back now if you're not in the mood for abject self-loathing.

Right. Still here? Brave soul. So I decided to try Jon Schindehette's 'Discovering a Muse' Challenge (I've plugged it before in this blog.) http://artorder.blogspot.com/2010/03/discovering-muse.html Great cause, great inspiration. But I must've been smoking crack when I got the notion I'd do a half-way decent job. It effing sucked. Oh, sure, when I was painting it I thought I was da man...who da man? YOU da man! Then I saw the other entries. And I saw my sh*tty digital photo of a VERY yellow oil painting. And I wanted to chisel out my own eyeballs with a palette knife.

I feel clueless. Like my favorite big red rubber ball is slowly deflating and I'm lost as to how to stop it. I have all the imagination, skill and charm of a half-baked potato.

Ain't it great to be an artist? I should've chucked it all in years ago. I don't have the time or commitment or finances to get good. Good enough to make a decent living, anyway. But I can't solve for 'x'. This is all I know how to do: be a mom/housewife, and do artstuffs. I'm 45. 46 in a month. It's a little late to reinvent myself now, so guess I'll soldier on. Things will look brighter in the morning; they always do. And on that cheery note, I'd best be taking my sorry ass to bed. Oh, wait, I have to pack lunches and set out clothes for the kids. Great. 'Night all...

BLECH! I'm a crappy blog designer...

So I'll distract you with a new speedpaint. Well, it started as a speedie but I'm incapable of calling it quits, even though I should be working on paying gigs. I TOLD you I was a bad multi-tasker! *scoff* (Painter9, ref used)

What is it about me and storms?

I just realized the last two pieces of art I worked on were very storm-themed. Could it be something wicked this way coming? Or just a reflection of Ohio's lovely weather? Bah. Either way, seems I'm only happy when it rains these days...


(The above is my entry for ArtOrder's 'Fantasy Pin-up' Challenge. She's a genasi. Anyone know how that's pronounced? Jen-ah-see? Jen-ah-sigh?)

And here's something I just submitted to DeviantArt for the club FantasyHunk's May project:



And now, I'm out of town to sneak a little surprise gardening in for my Ma's 70th birthday while she's in Atlantic City *teehee!* Oooh, hope it DOESN'T rain this weekend, come to think of it!

Discover a Muse!

Jon Schindehette, Senior Creative Art Director for Dungeons & Dragons® and host of the blog Art Order has masterminded a wonderful opportunity for artists to get some press and give to charity!

In cooperation with the lovely model/entrepreneur Veronika Kotlajic, they've created 'Discover a Muse'.



I'm going to do an original oil painting for this (dammit, yes, I'm gonna do it!) and I hope you will too. Great cause, great networking. And let's face it, we feel fantastic when we take a stand and help those who need it, specifically Childrens' Hospitals. Happy Humpday, lovely lurkers!

Conundrum...

Not sure where else to post this; I only have a handful of followers, so I may not get the feedback I'm fishing for, but what the heck! We'll see what shakes out here.

The past year or so I've been struggling with myself, wondering what I should do, and how I should do it. Sounds pretty vague, eh? Okay, to fine tune my 'visionquest': I really want to do gallery (fine) art, but I'm leery to quit the commercial clients I've worked with for years. They're such good folk. And money, well, money is god-awful important. The e-book covers, mid-level collectible card games, the odd fantasy illustration or three...they've put change in my pocket for quite some time. It scares me to let them fall away. But if I don't, I won't ever have the focus to pull together a series of paintings to (hopefully!) peddle to a gallery. And I seem to have hit a plateau. I'm not improving the way I see my compatriots doing. Why? Dunno. Maybe it's lack of incentive. Maybe it's me, recognizing I need to head off in a different direction. Kinda scary starting from scratch again, though.

Has anyone out there done this? Scrapped your commercial biz in favor of fine arts and lived to tell about it? If so, I'd love to hear from you. Happy Monday, kids.

~C